Thursday, June 5, 2003

Max's Surgery Day

It certainly helps to talk to someone else after getting bad news.  In this case, my spouse. 

Nora had to remind me that we knew he needed that surgery.  I guess what shocked me so much was that I/we thought/hoped that since our regular vet and the pathologists couldn't  clearly identify the biopsy, it was only an infection of some sort.

Yet, the diagnosis by this specialist vet is that he has a fibro sarcoma.  So, I guess we'll get a better idea today.  This general sense of "melancholy" I have, I guess, because of Sky's condition and the guilt of having to put Max through this operation.  Nora reminded me that we owed him this much, to at least get this mass -- whatever it is -- so he'll be more comfortable in the short term.  This is the crux of my dilemma.  I have to put him through this trauma again, but if we don't do it, he'll die sooner. 

When I drove him to the doctor's office, I spoke gently to him, explaining we were doing this because we were worried about his health and I asked for his forgiveness.  He'd be scared for awhile, being with strangers, then he's fall asleep and when he woke up, he'd probably but, not as much as last time and he'd be real groggy.  He should rest, and Mom and Dad would eventually come and take him home.

On my way to work, I prayed to God to be with him.  And even though I'm not Catholic, I figured it didn't hurt to pray to St. Francis, patron saint of animals.  I even prayed to Dmitri's spirit for any strength he can spare for both Sky and Max.  I've been fingering this letter bead chain Nora made that has all the cats  names, including Dmitri's, strung on it.

Now I wait until the call for a proper report.  Meanwhile, I've been scribbling "Remove all of Max's cancer" on a notepad over and over again.