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Saturday,
September 13, 2003
We set
him on The Path to Forever this morning. Both holes in his side
were bleeding pretty bad. Once we finished putting on new
dressings, he stumbled a few feet away and then collapsed. It was
pretty clear he was just too exhausted and badly in pain. He
moaned once when I stroked his head.
After we
finished showering, we checked on him again, and found he'd gone back
under the display cabinet where he'd been spending most of his last few
weeks. We're kind of glad we didn't see that struggle, because I'm
sure it wasn't pretty.
While
there was some doubt as to our decision, because he'd rallied before, we
also knew this was inevitable, especially with all the bleeding.
It was a kindness to set him free of his body.
We drove
him to the animal hospital, and they got us in pretty much right away.
He was purring some in the carrier as we waited for the doctor.
I guess I'd like to think he knew he was going to be pain free at last.
We told him our cat Dmitri would be waiting for him to show him around,
and that I hoped that he'd come see us and make a familiar noise we
called "yodeling" to let us know he was okay. I think
he stopped purring so loudly about then and he realized he didn't have
to hang for us any longer. Then, the vet took him in another room
to put a catheter in for administering the final shot.
When they
returned with him, you could see in his eyes that his spirit was already
leaving his limp body when they laid him across my lap for the last
time. Within seconds, our baby was gone. Quick and easy.
No more pain.
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And now,
after finishing the above, I just lost it. All my pain and anguish
from the last several months came out in a huge screaming, bawling
torrent. Everything I've been holding back. Tears all over
the desk and keyboard. What a mess. Nora had to come in and
comfort me for a minute or two. Probably scared the other
two cats. I'm better now. My throat's a little raw.
We
cancelled at least one social function for this afternoon, and probably
will delay visiting my folks this evening. Yesterday was both
their anniversary and Dad's birthday. I'm really glad we didn't
take him then. That morning, Max was very tired and
didn't interact much, but by evening, he'd rallied, ate a little,
scratched on the post I made him, and we spent most of the night
together on the couch.
I'll
probably spend some more time outside, touching the cast
stepping stone we made of his paws from 2 years ago. Thanks
goodness we did. I'm also glad we have him on videotape, although
I won't be able to watch it for awhile.
Tonight,
I'll give thanks to God for the last night we had together. I
don't know what kind of memorial I want to do yet. I wanted to do
a photo mosaic made out of pictures of him, but apparently our photo
editing software version isn't enabled, so I may have to come up with
some other idea. In the meantime, I'm gathering as many memories
of his personality as I can, so I can put them down on paper, and also
eventually work them into the website.
The
website: THERE's an irony: Dedicated to one cat, and
now the one who helped me put it together is gone.
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